peppermint and ginger ole

Things I WIll Tell To My 1998-Self

If you will tell something to your 1998 self, what would it be?"

Just heard this forum question from 99.5 Rt last Friday on my way to the office. And yes, I'm super strucked by this. It was like suddenyl, I caught myself into thinking how my life was back in 1998. I caught myself reminiscing the good old wonderful 1998 days of my existence. A yearning to go back in time once again stunned me that the moment I opened my pc in the office, I immediately searched for the 1998 playlist in Imeem. Hah! Life was pretty better in my past.

1998? February 1998 to be exact--I was in second year highschool. The 50th Anniversary of my dear Alma Mater had just transpired (we had a Folk Arts Tableau performance for this celebration in 12 December 1997).  I believe during this time, I was so addicted to the juniors and seniors and I had an auditorium collection of all my crushes from the freshmen to the seniors (boys and girls alike!). I was so laid-back and jovial during these days. Laugh-laugh-laugh was all that me and my barkada loved to do most of the time (aside of course from running after our crushes!). Life was so easy and manageable then.

Now, if i had to say something to my 1998 self, i will tell her a lot of things. I will tell her the things she needs to know so she would be prepared. And the list goes...

*Stop going gagah over Fritz Silvala. He's not worth it! (though I must admit he really did add a lot of spices to my highschool days:-)

*Never wear a school skirt which length could reach your ankle. It's not cool. Especially if the fabric is "katya-like!" Eww!

*Pose your sweetest smile when being photographed for an ID picture. It would even be great if you will pose your awesome "korean pose"

*Don't cry just because the seniors (batch 1998) will be leaving the portals of ESPS in March 1998. Stop being emotional. Life is just a matter of saying hi and goodbye.

*You should have gathered all the books you can get inside the lockers of the seniors and the juniors. Be smart and practical. Either you sell those books in recto or keep them for your use the next school year:-)

*Never wear a "pang-Ninang" dress on your JS Prom. it's soo so baduy!

*Dance to your heart's desire on your JS Prom. So what if Fritz is not your partner? Your friends are enough to make that day a truly remarkable one.

*Don;t be super "into" Moffats. The whole batch will laugh at you when they see you crying over the news of Moffats' sudden death:-)

*Don't let JERIC RAVAL stain your friendship with SP and Paolo. He's also not worth it.

*Study and study trigonometry for you will have your first taste of "line of 7" grade during the first quarter of your senior year if you don't.

*Enjoy your retreat with your new-found friends in St. Martin. However, never let Pearlen Mananquil sexually harrassed you in front of the priest or you will be ridiculed.

*Don't laugh at MYRA Torio when she'll slip on the floor of the stairs or you will bout with her friends (Hazel and co)

*Congratulate yourself for you were able to bout with Hazel and co in front of the school after class.

*Don't let Karl Venedict Del Rosario influence you.

*Join the 69ow or the Hanky Boys so you will know how it feels like to dance at the center while everyone else is watching you.

*Take a camera with you when you go swimming at BonBon with III-St Ignatius. That moment will never happen again.

*order lots of copies of your pictures during the III-St. Ignatius retreat at Tagaytay. That's worth keeping.

*Never play like MTV or Channel V vjs during your computer class or you will be busted by MAHAL.

*Enjoy each and every moment you spent attending First Friday Masses or church practices and all. You will miss all those moments and especially the wonderful praise songs.

*You will win an essay writing contest during your senior year so don't underrate yourself.

*Never ever feel insecure. you will be blessed more after graduation.

*You will meet "the one" and "your only true love" in october 2002. He will love you more than his own life and would even give it up just to show how much he loves you.

*Your heart will be totally crushed in 2004 so better be prepared.

*You will meet a lot of bitches and assholes in the real world but as long as you have God, you believe in your wonderful self, and you have great and wonderful family and friends around, life is always a bliss:-)

To be honest, I believe I still have lots of things to tell to my 1998 self. I might have missed out on somethings. Nevertheless, i know these things could have prepared me for my 2008 self had I known what will happen to me ten years after. But that's how life is. Full of surprises. Chill:-)

Bye Dear Cousin

How do you want to receive a bad news?

Frankly, if i could choose, I wouldn't want to receive any bad news in any manner in my entire life. Bad news is bad news. Whichever way you receive it, it will still cause shivers down your senses and could trigger that needle of pain in your heart.

This night, estimatedly 5 minutes after 7pm., I received a text message from my sister--the one I wouldn't want to receive in my entire life. She informer me that one of our cousins from the father side just died of I think heart failure. At first, i thought the message was just a form of a text joke. However, i felt a trembling kind of nervous inside. When i received her 2nd message confirming that it was really our cousin who just died, I felt like thousands of spiders were salvaging my digestive system up to my heart. I just can't believe it. I simply can't believe it.

Leonard and I were not really close. Oh well, we weren't given enough chance and time to get to know each other more and bond because since their family's based in California and he and his sister were already born there. If i remember it right, the last time i saw him was when we went to Baguio--the whole Lopez clan. And man, that was like almost two decades ago. I was very young then, and so was Leonard and the rest of our cousins. I remember he was that very cute little boy who didn't know how to speak Tagalog since he was naturally born in the U.S. However, he loved playing with our other cousin, Kuya Gene, and he just loved playing pranks with him. i think he adored Kuya Gene that time because Kuya's the only one who could make him laugh to the max. That outing was one of the most memorable gatherings in our family. Sadly, that will also be the last memorable event with Leonard.

I wanted to cry when I heard the news. But i didn't. Could it be that I'm just trying very hard to be strong and be unmindful of the emotion that's been wanting to burst out of my heart? Or perhaps, the thought that Leonard and I didn't really have much memories together that it's much easier for me to accept his departure? Could be.

Somehow, I would like to be grateful to the fact that we are living a million miles away from Leonard that we weren't given the chance to spend more time with each other. At least, it would be easier to move on and get on with our normal lives. We don't have much special memories to reminisce, cry our hearts out with, and long for. Now i realize, memories really do play a very big part in the emotional situation of an individual. More memories, more pain. Less memories, lesser things to cry about.

However, there's also a part of me who wants to cry for many reasons about his death. I want to cry for the times we should have been talking to each other, for the times he should have been here to bond with us, for the chance to really get to know him and be close with him. the thought of receiving a Xmas card from Tito Narding and Tita Marylou without his name on it for the first time in the last 20 years also adds insult to the injury. And then again, the idea of emailing Tito Narding without giving my regards to leonard for the first time is also a lot saddening.

Their whole family is supposed to visit the Philippines next year--after i think 17 years. We have many plans for that homecoming and grand family reunion. I must say we were all excited for that event. That plan might still push through, however, Leonard would no longer be physically present to join us and be merry with us. And that makes a very big difference.

My heart cries out for my Tito and Tita and Ate Melissa for I know how close their family is. I know how much they value and love each other. Every year during Christmas, everyone of us in the Philippines would receive a family picture from them wearing their Christmas garbs posing beside their giant Christmas tree. I just hope this year they will not send us a picture again--not that we were already tired of it. I know receiving a family picture from them this Christmas would only trigger the painful emotion in our hearts seeing their family incomplete for the first time in 23 years. I don't want to see them without Leonard in it.

I told myself I won't cry for I have God to comfort me during these trying times. But I must admit, i could be a big liar sometimes. right now, tears are falling down my cheeks as i type the words on my mind. Yes, i miss my cousin. I miss my cousin whom I never had a chance to really talk and bond with. And yes, it pains me that he had to leave this world this early.

Whatever is God;s purpose for this very untimely event, I know i just have to believe that everything will be alright in the end and that, He knows very well what's best for us. I only have Him to lean on to comfort me. i just hope and pray that He would bless our whole family with more strength that we could overcome this throbbing pain we are all feeling right now.

And to Leonard, we'll have lots of time to bond there in God's paradise. Wait for us there. Until we all meet again:-)

God bless his soul....

Of Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Five years ago…

1:00 am. Living room.

          “Can you be my girl?”

          I was appalled when I heard him posed that seemingly dulcet question. I didn’t know what to say.

          “What? Adik ka ba?”

          “No. I’m asking you if you could be my girl.”

          “What if I say no? Will you still talk to me or remain friends with me?”

          “Perhaps, no. It’ll be hard to still be a friend to you.”

          And that was it. Perhaps I was scared that he might not call me again and I might not experience that seemingly odd yet exultant feeling that I feel whenever I hear his voice on the other end of the phone that I decided to answer him “yes” right there and then. It was 1:00 am of October 21, 2002.

          I know for sure it wasn’t yet love that I felt for him that very moment. Possibly, it was more of wanting to have someone to finally take care of me and make me feel like a true woman. I didn’t know that time if what I did was right or wrong. Nonetheless, something inside of me is telling me to just go on and ride the boat. So I did.

          It was a Monday and I was on my near-end completion of my requirements to pass my 1^st semester of my junior year in college. It was almost 4:00 am when we ended our very long phone conversation. I must admit, the moment I put down the phone, I felt like screaming as if I wanted to let the whole household—and even neighborhood—to know that I already have a boyfriend.

          That dawn, I can’t seem to let myself sleep. I was in very high spirits. Perhaps, that was what most teenagers like me then (I was 19 that time), feel during the first few minutes or hours that they entered that certain door called relationship and be encapsulated with the wonderful poison called love.

          The moment I wake up a few hours after being so high about what had just occurred, I remembered myself talking to God and asking His guidance with this new journey that I will take. I was afraid, yet, I can’t deny the fact that I was also happy and excited. That overwhelming feeling in my heart was made apparent by the plastered smile on my face—that for the first time in my life, I greeted back the sales lady at SM Manila who approached me. If it’s true when people say that love could make you feel like gliding or walking on clouds, then perhaps, what I felt that time was true.

         

         

4:00 pm.

Espiritu Santo

Parish

Church

Adoration Chapel.

          The very moment and the very place I laid eyes on the guy whom I never thought will be a very special part of my existence. It may be a bit odd to believe, considering we are already in the modern times, but the moment my eyes met his, there was a crazy feeling that surmounted me. I felt like I already know him. I haven’t seen him yet since that day I answered him ‘yes’ but when I saw him walking inside the Adoration Chapel, it was as if somebody was telling me ‘it’s him.’

          And I was never wrong. From that day he told me he wanted me to be his girl, until that fateful day he breathed his last, he never fail to show me and make me feel how much he loves me. He was the man I didn’t intend to love, and yet, he’s that very same man who made me feel so complete and happy. He was that man whom I never thought could love someone so unconditionally true, and yet, he was also that same man who made me experienced just the same.

         

TODAY.

Oct. 21, 2007.

          I could say I’d already achieved some of my life’s goals. I am now a writer. I’m still not living affluently, but I could already consider myself successful since I’m now doing what I want most in life and earn enough moolah from that passion.

          I must say I’ve already changed a lot. I’m no longer that war-freak girl I used to be during my teenage years and I no longer out freak out easily when a snooty individual gets in my way. I’m still a jealous freak, however, I’m not that possessive and insecure anymore. Perhaps, I could say I’m more confident of myself now and I’m pretty sure of my worth as a person that petty stuffs and discoveries could no longer rip my heart apart. I’m still a little idealist, but only to a certain amount for I know that no matter how much you want to change the world the idealistic way, you must still stick with the reality that it’ll take the end of the world to completely change the world.

          Yes, I’ve changed a lot. My ways, my views on various things, and even the kind of people I love to stick around with. Nonetheless, there’s still a big part of me that still hasn’t changed. It’s my heart. The love and the pain it’s feeling for such a long time now.

          It’s been five years now since I welcomed that guy in my life, but still, the memories are still fresh in my mind and heart; the iloveyous, the never-ending talks on the phone, the long walks, the out-of-town trips, the overnights, and definitely everything about our love.

          I only spent two wonderful years of my life with that guy since he left me a month before our 2^nd year anniversary. Today’s our 5^th anniversary. Yes, the time spent without him is much longer than the time spent seeing him physically with me. However, the love’s still overflowing.  I might not be seeing him, but I know he is also celebrating our anniversary with me. Who knows, he might just be beside me while I’m doing this.

          Every year since he left three years ago, I’m celebrating our anniversary with his parents. And this year’s not different since I’ll be having dinner with his parents later today. Year after year, I’m doing something special for him, hoping that he could receive my message of love and send it back to me. I remember last year, I wrote him a long letter, telling him of how much I’m missing him and what life was since he left. After I finished writing the letter, I opened the disc player and put keith martin’s cd inside (which was actually his gift for my sister during her 18^th bday). While our song ‘because of you’ was playing in the background, I took the lighter from the cabinet and burned the letter I wrote for him. Then, I let the ashes of the letter flew into the air. That moment I saw the ashes being blown away by the wind, I felt like he had already received my message.

          Now, I decided to celebrate our anniversary with this piece. I am writer so I thought of celebrating the wonderful years of our love through my writing. And yes, I’m proud of this piece for it’s the very product of my emotions and the overflowing love I’m feeling for the only man I would love to love till eternity.

          I had lots of many bittersweet memories of that relationship. It was a whirlwind romance, and yet, for me it was one of the best love stories God has ever created. I feel honored that God picked me up from the rest of His roses to make me experience that kind of love that not all people were given the privilege of. And yes, I’ll forever be thankful for that very special honor that He gave me. I might have experienced the worst pain a woman could ever experience, nonetheless, I still feel luckier than the rest. And if I have to wind back to that day I decided to have him in my life and chose whether or not I would still opt for that decision, I know that I would still choose to say ‘yes’ and enter that door where I found him. He might have caused the most painful and tragic event in my existence, and yet, no amount of pain or any catastrophic episode could take away or the wonderful memories, the illustrious happiness, and the sincere love he left me with.

          Yes, he left me. He left me without even saying goodbye. But I never hated him for that, for I know that he’ll forever wait for me on the other side of this life. I know that I’ll forever stay in his heart the way he is resting in mine.

FIVE YEARS AFTER…

          Senior writer for Living Asia Channel. Copy Editor of Breaking Free magazine. Headwriter for Breaking Free show over Studio 23. Phil. Star columnist. Palanca Awardee. Author of a best-selling book. Well-known eventologist. A devoted Christian. Still committed and faithfully attached with my one great love.

I’m already 29-years-old. I’d already attended my highschool reunion and bonded again with my beloved ESPS family. I must say I’m happy with the way life went for me five years after I wrote that 5^th anniversary celebration article for my other half. I am no longer a nobody in the crowd. Whenever I attend an event—product launchings, press conference, advocacy campaigns, or even the for-the-society-pages’-sake events, people easily recognize me. No, I’m not a celebrity and I never dreamed of being one. I’m still a private person, only that I’ve already created a name in the field of creative arts, writing, that is.

I already have my own car. My mom and pop’s already have a business of their own. My sister’s already one of the district managers of Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and she’s getting married real soon. At last, we’ll have a baby in the house na!

His mom is already having the time of her life enjoying her business which she co-owns with her sister. His pop’s sculpture business is doing very well. His family is still in great condition just as my family is.

Yes, I’m still very much attached to them. And until now, I’m still celebrating our anniversaries with his parents. I must say I’ve already learned to move on and get on with my life. However, the love I feel for him remains to be ceaseless. He is still the only man my heart longs for. Nothing’s changed in that realm.

In the next five years, who knows where will I be, what I will be, or what will happen to me then. Or, would I still be around to write this kind of pieces? No one really knows. Five years is such a long, long time. A lot of things will happen along the way. Perhaps, I just have to prepare myself. Should there be pain? Well, it’s always a part of every creature’s life. It is through those pains that we are being molded into the best we could become and into the very person we are. Without pain, we may never know how to live completely. Should there be abundant happiness? Well, thank you and hope that it’ll last forever. But if within that five years God would want me to breathe my last, then I would gladly follow Him and be united once again with the only man my heart longs for; the only man whose name meant and spelled ETERNITY in my heart. 

         

         

         

Gilmore Station

Nakita ko na naman siya. Masasabi kong plinano ko tlagang puntahan ang building na nakita kong pinasukan niya noong araw na sinundan ko siya mula sa Gilmore station ng LRT2. Subalit sa maniwala ka man o hindi, hindi ko tlaga inaasahan na makikita ko talaga siya noong araw na iyon na napadaan ako sa Gilmore.

Ganon pa din ang itsura niya. Medyo nagmukha lang siya mas bata ngayon. Siguro kasi wala na yung bigote niya. Sa tingin ko, parang mas maputi din ang kulay niya ngayon.

Malayo pa lang ako tinatanaw ko na ang itaas ng gusaling pinasukan niya noon. Sa isip ko ay naghahabi na ako ng maari kong sabihin sa guwardiya kung sakali mang tanungin niya ako kung ano ba ang kailangan ko o ano ang pakay ko sa loob ng gusali na yaon. Sa totoo lang, wala talaga akong maisip. Ni hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ba ang mga klase ng kompanyang nasa loob ng gusali na iyon.

Bahala na.

Nang malapit na ako at ang kaibigan ko sa gusaling tinutukoy ko, para bang may hangin na bumulong sa akin na tumingin ako sa may bandang ibaba, sa may kanto ng gusali. At may parang kung anong kamay na humawak sa ulo ko at iminuwestra nga ang direksyon na yaon. Sa aking pagkagulat, nakita ko siyang nakatayo doon sa may kanto. At sa aking pagkamangha, nakatingin siya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung natatandaan pa niya ako dahil dalawang beses lamang kaming nagkasabay sa LRT2, at yaong isang beses nga ay nang sinundan ko pa siya. Subalit, mahigit isang taon na ang nakalipas mula ng huli ko siyang makita.

Aaminin ko, nataranta ako. Para bang hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong tumuloy sa paglalakad patungo sa direksyon niya o tama bang bumalik na lamang ako sa pinanggalingan ko.

Subalit ang mga paa ko ay ayaw paawat. Para bagang nais nitong malaman kung ano ang mangyayari kapag ako'y dumaan sa harapan niya. Kaya't ako'y nagpatuloy.

Nang nasa tapat na niya ako, hindi ko mawari subalit parang gusto ko na siyang kausapin. Para bang may munting magnetong nagnanais na ilapit ako sa kanya. Subalit nagawa ko pa ring pigilin ang sarili ko.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglakad. At nang ako ay nakalayo na ng konti sa kanya, nilingon ko ang kanyang kinatatayuan. NAkita ko siyang nakatingin sa akin. marahil ay sinusundan niya ako ng tingin. Lalo akong naguluhan.

Naglakad pa ako ng naglakad hanggang sa malayo na ako sa kanya. Subalit huminto ako ng sa tingin ko ay hindi na niya ako makikita. Makalipas ang halos sampung minuto, may dumaang taxi sa harapan ko. Siya ang nakasakay. Kapag daan niya sa aking kinatatayuan, tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti. Napatigil ako. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang sinasakyan niyang taxi hanggang sa ito'y mawala na sa paningin ko.

Aaminin ko, nagalak ang puso ko ng makita ko siyang muli. Hindi dahil sa makisig siya o kung ano pa man. Isa lamang ang dahilan: kamukhang-kamukha niya ang aking nasawing kabiyak. Sa tindig niya, sa kilos, sa lakad, sa pangangatawan, maari silang pagkamalang kambal ng aking minamahal. Marahil nga ay kung makikita ang lalaking yaon ng mga magulang ng aking mahal, maghahalo ang tuwa at pananabik sa kanilang mga puso. Katulad ng aking naramdaman ng una kong makita ang lalaking iyon. Ang sabi pa nga ng kaibigan ko, kinilabutan daw siya ng makita niya ang lalaking iyon sapagkat para niyang nakitang muling nabuhay ang mahal ko.

Ang sabi ko noon, kapag nakita ko muli ang lalaking iyon, lalapitan ko na talaga siya at sasabihin ko sa kanya kung bakit ako tingin ng tingin sa kanya. Pagkaraka ay hihilingin ko sa kanya na kung maari ay yakapin ko siya kahit saglit lamang. Ninanais ng puso ko noon na maramdaman muli ang yakap ng aking mahal sa pamamagitan ng lalaking yaon na kawangis na kawangis niya.

Subalit hindi ko iyon  nagawa ng ang lalaking iyon ay makita kong muli. Marahil ay pinanghinaan ako ng loob. O sadyang hindi ko talaga kaya. Hindi ko alam.

Ang sabi ko noon, kung talagang siya ang masasabing "reincarnation" ng aking mahal, hindi ko siya kinakailangang hanapin pang muli o sundan pa sa gusaling iyon. Kung talagang siya nga, ipapakita siyang muli sa akin ng langit.

Alam ko sa puso ko na ako'y mahihirapan lamang. Iisa lamang ang lalaking gusto kong makasama habang buhay. Iisa lamang ang lalaking nais kong mahalin at pag-alayan ng buhay ko hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan. Naisip ko, marahil nga ay kamukhang-kamukha niya ang aking minamahal, subalit hindi maaring siya at ang mahal ko ay iisa. Nag-iisa lamang ang lalaking kilala ng aking puso. At alam ko, naghihintay lamang siya sa akin sa kabilang buhay.

Datapwat kung sakaling nahabag sa abang kalagayan ko ang langit at sa wakas ay pinakinggan din ang matagal ng dinarasal ng aking puso, na ako at aking mahal ay pag-isahin muli, alam kong hindi takot ang mararamdaman ko kundi walang patumanggang kasiyahan. Sapagkat sa ngayon, sa nararamdaman ko ng makita ko ang lalaking yaon, ako'y may takot at pangamba. Para bagang ako'y nakatayo na naman sa isang pintuan, na ni hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa loob.

Ayoko na. Minsan na akong nagbukas ng pintuan na inihain sa akin. At sa pintuang yaon ko naranasan ang walang hanggang kaligayahan at pagmamahal. Isang uri ng pagmamahal na walang kapantay at hindi kayang tumbasan ng anupaman. Tama ng iyon na lamang ang aking paglagian hanggang sa ako'y magpaalam sa mundong ito. Ayoko nag muli pang magbukas ng panibangong pinto. Maaring ako'y makasakit lamang.

Hindi ko alam kung makikita ko pang muli ang lalaking iyon. Pero isa lamang ang sigurado, hindi ko na siya muling hahanapin pa. Kung sakali mang iaadya talaga ng langit na ang landas namin ay magkrus muli, marahil sa pagsakay ko muli ng tren sa LRT2 papuntang Gilmore, alam ko na hindi ako maaring malinlang ng aking damdamin. Dedepende na lamang ako sa tibok ng aking puso. Alam kong puso ko lamang ang makapagsasabi kung nagbalik nga ba panandalian ang aking mahal.

Hanggang sa muling pagdaan ko sa Gilmore Station....

Why I Love Coffee Bean so much!

Of Coffee Beans and Loose Tea Leaves.....

How well do you know your coffee beans? Most coffee drinkers don't bother to look into their cups as they sip the brew which, chances are, isn't what they think it is. But who cares? All that people on the go want is a quick fix of caffeine as they dash off to office or to wherever.

We have been drinking coffee for most of our adult life and come to think of it, have never looked to see what's in the mug. So long as it looked like coffee and tasted like coffee, that was good enough for moi.

Well, not anymore. Not since Walden Chu and Paolo del Rosario invited us on a discovery expedition to Los Angeles to learn about coffee as it is made and served at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.

Walden and Paolo are partners, among others, of The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Philippines, Inc. which opened its first shop at Greenbelt 3 in Ayala Center, Makati City.

My daughter Elizabeth would often bring home a cup of CBTL which she declared was the best of the coffee brands (including StarBucks, Figaro and Seattle's Best). "Mom, you should try it ... not just the coffee but also their tea," she would urge me.

Well, I needed no urging during the L.A. visit where we visited several CBTL shops including those in Beverly Hills, Hollywood and Universal Studios, the first of some 90 in Greater Los Angeles, plus in Arizona and Texas, 16 in the Philippines, 77 stores in Singapore and Malaysia, a few more in Europe for a total of 400 shops.

For me it was a learning trip, not just about coffee but also about tea which is served hot or cold, a new addiction for "chai latte," made 16 kinds of tea, and "ice blended", a frosty CBTL bestseller,

The CBTL story goes back to 1963 and to Mona and Herbert B. Hyman, merchants of coffee beans and loose leaf teas, in Brentwood, Los Angeles. James Stewart, founding chair and president of Seattle�s Best Coffee, was said to have worked and trained under Hyman where he learned the tricks of the trade, then went on to put up Seattle�s Best Coffee in1971.

Years later, Howard Schultz, Starbucks chairman, wrote in his autobiography that the frappucino of Starbucks was inspired by an "ice blended beverage" from southern California. "Copied" sounds more like it! That ice blended drink is an original invention of CBTL.

It was in the 1990s that the Sassoon brothers, Victor and Sunny, who got the franchise to open the first CBTL in Singapore, then bought the business from Hyman.

The curiosity of Sassoon, who was also a show producer, had been piqued by the request of many of the Hollywood performing artists for a supply of CBTL beverages during their concert tour in Singapore.

During a visit to Hollywood, Victor Sassoon was introduced by Paula Abdul (of American Idol fame) to the CBTL in L.A. Sassoon was instantly hooked. He joined a league of CBTL aficionados, among them actors and artists.

Indeed, according to showbiz chatter, Britney Spears is so addicted to it, specially to mocha ice blended and chai latte (as I am, too), she has her Coffee Bean fix flown in by private jet to wherever she is shooting or performing outside of Los Angeles.

Likewise ... Paris Hilton declared that "my favorite drink is the pure chocolate ice blended. And when I'm at The Coffee Bean on La Cienega, I like looking at my Guess? Billboard next door."

When Matt Lauer on Dateline NBC asked Madonna if she's able to walk into Starbucks like any normal person, the Material Girl replied: "Can we go to the Coffee Bean instead?" She reportedly loves "all the whole leaf teas" of CBTL.

Also fans of Coffee Bean's ice blended drinks are Matthew Perry and Ben Stiller who said so during interviews.

And by the way, Hollywood stars and other celebrties are treated like everybody else at CBTL. They line up for their orders like the other customers.

At the CBTL shop in Hollywood's Sunset Plaza, chances are, you'll see the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Kelly Osbourne, Brad Pitt, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Robert Downey Jr., Matthew Perry, et al, standing in line. Even Renee Zellweger was spotted holding an ice blended.

CBTL shops or a facsimile of it have been used as location sites in several movies such as ... for instance, expect to see Coffee Bean in the movie remake of "Bewitch" starring Nicole Kidman... it was in "Nutty Professor 2" with Eddie Murphy.

Coffee Bean's Ice Blended beverage are a mix of coffee and fruit flavors, aside from mocha. They were created accidentally (don't many good things in life happen by accident?) by a CBTL barister, Diane Martel. We met her at the CBTL headquarter on La Cienaga Blvd. (a main thoroughfare parallel to Wilshire Blvd.)

Now director of training and development, Diane, a bubbly woman in her late 30's, worked as a barister (coffeemaker) at CBTL. She had just returned from a European holiday where she had gained a lot of weight. Naturally, her first thought was to lose the pounds. She got hold of a reducing drink powder and blended it with fruit. But the taste was "yuck!" she recalled, laughing. She continued experimenting. She added coffee to the mix but, alas, it still tasted "yuck!

Finally, scrapping the Slim Fast, she mixed coffee, chocolate and fruit power in blender, added some ice and milk, and ... voila! A milestone in coffee history... the now famous CBTL ice blended was born.

CBTL, which is sometimes simply called The Bean, serves your classic coffee brews and more, such as hot and cold blends made of coffee or tea, including 32 delightful tea lattes, which appeal to the new generation of coffee shop habitues.

While we were in L.A., they were introducing the banana caramel and strawberry cream ice blended. But my all time favorite is chai latte, a sweet blend of 16 teas with milk (or soymilk if you wish) and vanilla. Another big favorite is vanilla with caramel.

The Sassoon brothers isn't rushing expansion of CBTL despite its runaway success in Singapore. In the Forbes magazine which featured Victor on its cover, Sassoon gamely admits that Starbucks may be numero uno in the business, but there's space in second place for CBTL.

And CBTL is trying harder to please its customers.

"It's a cliche to say you scour the world to look for the best coffees, but not everyone's doing that," said Jay Isais, CBTL's director of green coffee at their Camarillo facility.

"We are always looking. We get coffee from 14 countries but we're buying from a pool of less than 1 percent of the coffee in the world."

Isais continues: "If there's something good coming from Costa Rica, I�ll know about it. I know who's growing it, who's buying it and what their paying for it."

With 20 years in the business, he figures he's roasted 10 million pounds of coffee in his life and the amount is growing at 60,000 pounds per week.

Still, CBTL COO Melvin Elias insists: "it's not about how big we can get. It�s about how good we can get."

The Sassoons are choosing their partners carefully, declaring a policy of pleasure before business. They have to like whoever they are dealing with before they get into a deal with that person.

Luckily for Filipinos, they chose Walden Chu, a young entrepreneur with an uncanny acumen for spotting a good product. Walden is the man also responsible for bringing to the Philippines, the massively successful Redbox karaoke complex in Greenbelt and Breadtalk bakeshop, also Banana Leaf and China Star restaurants.

Walden, a graduate of the University of Michigan, works with a core team composed of his siblings, and Paulo del Rosario, an AIM graduate and childhood buddy. His siblings are Wilson Jr., Winward, Elizabeth and Emmelyne who are given charge of the different enterprises under the company umbrella.

Walden believes we have the "nicest" CBTL outlets here in the Philippines, including the Greenbelt 3 store and the latest, at Alabang Town Center. While the shops copy that CBTC standard "look" like the red rooftiles, Walden has added a tropical charm to it.

Also, their food because Filipinos always order food along with their tea or coffee is great, specially their caesar salad, sausages and breakfast sets. The pastries and bread are always fresh (everything is homebaked) and the sandwiches are splendid tummy fillers.

Their contribution to CBTL international is mango ice blended, now a global bestseller.

By the way, it's good to know there are more tea drinks other than oolong, jasmine, green tea and chamomile and you can take tea in so many ways, besides adding milk and sugar. But let me tell you about it at another time.

http://www.mb.com.ph/issues/2005/07/02/SCTY2005070238497.html

***I just feel so proud to have been part of this company--even for just three days. It's really the best! Super promote aq noh..hahahaha!

Coffee and Tea Trivia

*Mocha is not really a flavor. It is a port in Africa. The reason why coffee maestros named some coffee beans as Mocha is because some of the coffee beans were harvested from Mocha, Africa.

*as per my observation, and tea leaves ng Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf pag inilublob mu sa hot water, nag-oopen ung leaves kse CBTL gets only the finest and the youngest two leaves in a bud. The rest of the bush, pinaghahatian na ng ibang coffee companies.

*The rarest type of coffee in the world are the Jamaican Blue Mountain and Kona or the so-called Premium Select coffees. In the coffee market, Japan ang may pinakamalaking share ng coffees na 'to. I think they're getting almost 80% of the share..the remaining 20%, pinaghahatian na ng lahat ng coffee brands in the word. That's why UCC coffee is very expensive kse un ung ginagamit nilang coffee beans..

*There's no such thing as white or red tea. For marketing purpose lang yung mga names na yun. The only three types of teas are the green tea, oolong tea, and black tea.

*oolong tea is called the "champagne of all teas"

^^Oh di ba, nakikinig tlaga ako noh...^^

An Applefor A Barista...

"How would you like your coffee, brewed or grounded?"

How i would love to ask that question to my future coffee addict customers. Haplessly, i might not be able to pull through with my "barista" fancy since i had to chose between my sole and serious personal legend than my as-of-the-moment whims.

I'm already on my third day of training as barista in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, and yes, I had lots of really wonderful discoveries about coffee, teas, and how the coffee world works. And perhaps, knowing how Coffee Bean gets its coffee beans and tea leaves, how they carefully prepare their products--from harvesting, processing, roasting, and all--I realized that I would love to be a "tambay" of CBTL more than Starbucks.

CBTL is such a great company. I enjoyed every day of my training sessions--not only because I got to drink free coffee and tea and have my slice of free pastries--but because I'd learned a lot about coffees and teas. Believe me, it's a lot more delightful to drink ur cup of coffee or tea if u know where they come from and how they are being prepared. Truly, the world of coffee and tea is a lot more amazing than you thought it to be.

Haplessly, i believe my barista dream is already coming to an end--that is when the HR dept. will hand me the contract tomorrow. Sigh. I heard from my co-team members that CBTL has a contract bond (well, just like any other coffee shops). I found out that if we won't be able to finish the 6 months contract, we will be forced to pay 5ok. A big, hearty sigh.

Sad noh? Just when i'm already enjoying my coffee and tea experiences tsaka naman dumating yung revelation na yon. Hay! Feel na feel ko pa naman magsuot ng CBTL barista unform. Feeling q ang cute ko lalo pag suot suot ko yun (AMf!).

I would love to accept the offer even if it has a bond. Sadly, I have my own priorities in life that I have to give more attention to.

nonetheless, i still take pride knowing that once in my life, I became part of Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. adik na kung adik. I don't give a damn if my friends would laugh at me and say nagtrip na naman ako. Basta happy ako na na-hire akong barista ng CBTL. Being a barista may be way out of my league, but at least, i cud prove to the people who are underrating me that i can do more than what they thought me to be.

One thing, I'm also proud that of all the coffee shops in the Phils., God chose Coffee Bean for me. I know I am (or was) part of the best coffee shop in the world--quality and service combined. Believe me, it's true. I've only been to CBTL for like three times only since i became a coffee fanatic and prior to my being hired there, but now that I discovered a lot of great things about the company, I know that Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf deserves to be given much attention by coffee and tea drinkers.

Why am I bursting these bubbles? Wala lang, just so you know Coffee Bean's the best! And nope, i'm not their PR officer

^^Isang Salamat Lamang^^

"Thank You.."

Very simple yet very powerful and heartwarming words..

I'm not very hard to please. Simpleng "thank you" lang ay sapat na para magalak ang aking puso.

Ngayong araw na ito, ilang beses ba ako nakatanggap ng salitang "salamat" at "thank you?" Hindi ko mabilang. basta ang alam ko lang, high ako ngayon. Super high kse I feel so blessed to have been surrounded with people who know how to say thank you and appreciate the things u did for them.

I didn't know that my simple gestures could already brighten up someone's day. Furthermore, I didn't realize that my simple desire of spending a day with someone so dear to me could already put her in great joy. At isa pa, hindi ko rin inexpect na ang mga magandang salitang sinasabi ko ay tumatatak na pala sa puso ng mga nakakausap ko.

Narealize ko, totoo pala yung qoute na "smile and often and never frown for you'll never know when you're brightening up someone's day just because of your smile..."

When i started this blog, my sole intention was only to have an outlet for my bubbles..madaldal ako pero hindi ako transparent sa emotions ko. This space served as my piece of sanctuary. naisip ko pa nun, at least kung mamamatay man ako ng wala sa oras, merong matitirang account ang mga maiiwan ko para knows nila kung ano-ano ba ang mga dilemmas ko at mga drama ko sa life. Pero never had i imagined that this piece of sanctuary could also be an inspiration to other people...

Honestly, i am overflowing with joy and gladness whenever people would tell me that they love reading my blogs because they could feel every inch of my emotions in every post i make. Sa inyong lahat na patuloy na nagbabasa ng blogs ko at walang sawang sumusuporta, maraming salamat. (Ateh, artista ka? Closing billboard ba ito?)

The inspiring and boosting words from those people made me feel like I'm really bound to be a writer and touch people's lives. Thank you so much to all of you.

Sa lahat ng mga nagThank you, nagpasalamat, at nagappreciate sa mga ginawa ko, maraming salamat din sa inyo. I feel so blessed to have all of you.

Moreover, when i made a video for my friends who are very much "in-love," i didn't know that it could really touch them so hard, their hearts could melt...Honestly, natuwa lang tlaga ako sa pictures nila kse everytime i visit their pages, i feel like butterflies are flying all over and flowers of love are very much everywhere. Nonetheless, when they watched the video, all of them were so touched, they thanked me wholeheartedly.

When my better half died, i vowed to him that I'll try my best to spread the word of TRUE LOVE to all my friends and acquaintances. Sabi ko pa nun, God blessed me with a very special kind of love kaya i believe that it's my duty to let other people know the true wonders of TRUE LOVE..And perhaps, doing that video is just one of my ways of fulfilling that promise..I didn't know that that would mean so much to them..Nevertheless, thank you so much for appreciating. Your wonderful words of appreciation are enough to make me feel happy.

See, a simple "thank you" is enough to brighten up someone's life. Make it a habit to say thank you to every simple gesture done for you. Believe me, it could make a very big difference...Winks!

When God Knocks....

"Make a decision to leave your past experiences and even present struggles and follow God..."

Frankly now, I feel like I'm at the middle of two roads. The road on one side is telling me to go on and continue walking to that same road and don't be influenced with the things I'm learning and discovering. While as, the one on the other side is really enticing me to go on and walk through it, as if a great promise is really awaiting me there.

Right now, I'm in the middle of making a very big decision in my life. That is whether to continue living with my Catholic faith or join the fellowship of many Christian believers.

For almost 24 years of my existence, I am a devoted Catholic. i studied in a Catholic school, known and memorized all the Catholic prayers, chants, and practiced their traditions. I am a baptized Catholic. In all those years, I thought that there's no other religion that's worthy of God's love and blessings than the Catholics.

Nonetheless, an incident in my life made me understand the true meaning of faith more and realized a lot of things about life. Thanks to a very dear friend--a college classmate whom i never thought I'd be very closely connected with since we were literally two different souls. While she's the demure and silent type, I'm the loud and laid-back one. This very special friend introduced me again to Jesus. She patiently reminded me of God's wonderful promises and His love. This friend never fail to put God's loving words in my ears--which later on, succesfully penetrated my mind and my heart.

I must admit, I feel a lot different now. I mean, i'm still the old Apple--the balahura, the maharot, the girl who makes you feel you're inside a saklaan when she's laughing. Yes, you may not see that change in me, but believe me, there is. Perhaps, it's because the change occured inside of me. I feel a lot closer with God now.

Eversince that day that I wholeheartedly accepted Him in my life, that day that I surrendered my all to HIm, i never felt so far away from Him, not even an inch. I feel like He is always with me. I am still not wordly rich and I haven't achieved all my dreams yet, but I feel a lot blessed now.

To be perfectly frank and honest, I've been a devoted Catholic for almost all my life but I never really felt this way before--this wonderful closeness with God. Evertime I meet with Vannah (the friend I'm referring to during the first part) to have a Bible study or sharing, I could feel more and more the nearness of God and His presence in my life. When i first attended the church service at Victory Christian Fellowship, that was the first time that the words of God put tears on my eyes. I could feel the depth of every word that Jesus was saying in the Bible.

And this, basically, is the reason why I'm torn between two roads now. I don't know if it's proper to leave my Catholic faith behind and follow my heart and surrender myself to Christianity. To be honest, my heart's already have a decision. It's just that I'm afraid of what my family will say, especially my pops who is a very devoted Roman Catholic. I know deciding to walk down the road to Christianity also means turning my back on all the religious traditions, beliefs, and etc. that i grew up with. And yes, it also means walking the other way every Sunday while my whole family is leading the other way.

This morning, when I attended the service at VCF,  I honestly felt that God is talking to me through the words of the Pastor. "Make a decision to leave the past experiences and your present struggles and follow God..."

The Pastor repeated this adage for so many times this morning. And it really struck me. It felt like God is telling me to leave all my fears, my anxieties, and everything that's been stopping me from following Him. And as what the Pastor said,  I was not there through mere coincidence. I was put there because i was bound to hear those words that God wanted me to hear.

When we all stood up and prayed, I felt like crying. Oh well, I was almost crying--though I just put forth all my effort to stop my tears since I'm not used to crying with strangers around me. Furthermore, I could feel so much emotion when we started singing our praise songs.

When i walked out of that room, I'm certain I'd already made a decision. I know God already decided for me. never mind if my pops would hate me if he'll found out about it. And never mind if my whole family--both sides--would condemn me for doing this. I know I am making the right decision since I am doing this all for the glory of God.

This coming October, i will be joining all the other believers who decided to follow God and lead a life according to His will--in the true sense. I am now ready to be baptized a Christian. And i know that it'll be one of the most special, remarkable, and blessed decision i've done in my life.

I recently found out that Oliver was also a baptized Christian. I really have no idea that he was a baptized Christian, though I know that he did attend the Christian services before since his elder brother is a Pastor in one of the Christian fellowships in the country. Somehow, this discovery made me decide to take the road to Christianity all the more--though it's not the reason why I will be doing this. Perhaps, God only added that thing to spice up His welcome for me more. It feels great knowing the only guy I love is also a devout Christian.

I am now a Christian. It's still a month before I will be baptized a true member of the fellowship but I know in my heart that I am now a full Christian since I'd already accepted Jesus Christ wholeheartedly in my life. And yes, I am more excited about life now since I know that from today till eternity, I'll be devoting my whole life loving Jesus and glorifying His wonderful name.

A bunchful of thanks to Vannah, to Elay, to Matt, to Stephie, the Loved Flock Catholic Charismatic Community, and all the people who'd helped me understand God's word more. God really made use of you to know Him further.

"God can use us to do mighty exploits  regardless of our backgrounds.."

^^Five Years^^

"death does not stop true love..It onl delays it for a while.."

Since the day i bid goodbye to my most loved better half's physical body, this has always been my favorite adage. Reading it over and over again makes me hope for the wondeful promise of eternal love with the man i've learned to love my life.

I know a lot of my friends and other people reading my blogs might already find it very sickening na to read about my "wonderful and well-created love story" na since the whole drama of my life happened almost three years ago pa. Nonetheless, i don;t give a damn. It's my own space so i'm entitled to post and write whatever are my thoughts here. This i tell you, when u happened to experience and be blessed with such a wonderful, lovely, and really romantic love story such as what i had (uhm, still having), u would want to tell the world over and over again how it all started and just how glad u were to have been blessed with that. Hinding-hindi mo pagsasawaang ikwento lahat ng detalya ng buhay ninyong dalawa dahil naniniwala ka, at alam mong sa sarili mo na isa ito sa pinakamagandang kwentong-pag-ibig na ginawa ng Diyos.

As a preparation for the fast-approaching wedding of my client, i and my honey's fave cousin met up to talk about the details since we're partners in this event. While killing time and chilling out, we happened to talk about Oliver and what really happened before and after the tragedy. I found out that his family never really blamed me for what had befalled. oh well, of course they were all hurt--especially Tita Baby (his mom) and Papa Turing (his dad), but they never hated me or blamed me for that matter. They just can't understand why Oliver didn't think of them when the incident happened and just focussed on what may happen if he'll loose me. Mavie even told me that Oliver's friends and their neighbors--who've been witnessed to how much he really did love me--are all in great awe for the kind of love we have for each other..that we could even face death with might just so to profess our love for each other.

Mavie told me to let go of myself; to learn to forgive myself for what happened and never to consider myself the convicted one in the said tragedy. I was particularly touched when she told me this: Wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo dahil sa totoo lang, ikaw ang nagbigay buhay kay kuya. Kung tutuusin, mas patay pa siya before ka dumating sa buhay niya. Nung dumating ka, dun lang siya natutong mabuhay at harapin  ang buhay niya kse tinuruan mu siya at binigyan mo siya ng hope. Kaya nga sobra ang paghanga namin sa'yo at sa love ninyo sa isa't isa eh."

Those are the exact words of Mavie that really made burst into tears. i know Oliver loved me so much, but i never thought he really loved me that much. Mavie even told me that since the day I came into Oliver's life, he never thought of anything but me and the things that would make me happy. Mavie added that the thoughts of living a lifetime together was enough to put Oliver in bliss.

Hindi aq simpleng babae. Hindi aq ganoon katino. Saksakan ako ng harot at kagagagan. Madalas pa nga, nde aq tinuturing na babae ng mga kaibigan qng lalake dahil isa daw aqng "kakosa," o kung hindi man ay isang "bakla." Pero nung dumating siya sa buhay ko, doon ko naramdaman ang pagiging totong babae. Itinuring niya aqng prinsesa na ni ayaw niyang madapuan ng lamok. Lahat ng pasakit na pwede kong maramdaman, siya ang sumasalo. Sa halos dalawang taon naming pagsasama, naranasan ko ang walang katulad na kaligayahn na alam ko, hindi ko na maaring maranasan pa. Sigurado ako, nde lahat ng babae ay nakaranas ng ganoong klaseng pagmamahal kaya't sobrang pasasalamat ko sa Diyos dahil siya ang ibinigay niya sa akin.

Papa Turing (his dad) told me to go on and find somebody who could replace his son in my heart, for they don't want me to live in pain and in his memory all the remaining days of my life. But my heart no longer knows how to beat again and function the way it did when Oliver's still here. In reality, after he died, there were some guys who really came out in the open and professed their true feelings for me. Some were even very much willing to wait for that time when i could open my heart and love again. Ang iba sa kanila, maituturing kong epitome ko ng "ideal guy" noong college ako. But immediately, i told them not to for they'll sure be wasting their time. I don't want to be the cause of one's anguish again. I don't wanna hurt another heart again who deserves so much more.

My heart can only truly love once. It already happened, so i know that whoever will come after him can no longer experience the love i gave and still giving my only other half. He will always remain my one and only true love.

Now i realize that not all love, even if they're true, could last a lifetime. Hindi pala lahat ng nagmamahalan ng totoo ay nauuwi sa kasalan at simbahan. Oh well, dumaan din naman pala ang love story namin sa simbahan--pero for funeral mass nga lang..

Love is eternal. If you truly love someone and you're willing to endure the lifetime of pain brought about by your unding love for that person, then congratulate yourself for you'd already found you're one true love.

I know that despite constantly praying for miracles, he will never be back again in this lifetime. God is good and i believe that what had befalled is the best way for both of us. Nonetheless, kahit na ganun ang nangyari, it doesn't mean God didn't approve of our love. In fact, naniniwala ako na special ang pagkakagawa niya sa istorya namin dahil ang katulad nito ay yaong magpapatuloy hanggang sa kabilang buhay. I say, God loves me so much.

I could only be thankful that of all the men that God created, He perfectly picked Oliver Salacup from all the rest to love me and share my life with. Just the same, I am also thanful to Him that he chose me to be the last girl in oliver's life. I know our meeting has a very special purpose. I know oliver was part of my life;s mission just as i was part of his mission, too.

Somehow, i am already at peace, for I know that my honey is already in heaven and busy enjoying the beauty of life there in paradise. At least, he won't have to deal and live with the complexities of life here. Oliver's such as good soul that God already took him away from this sinful world for He don't want him to be put in vain.

I am still hurting and I still couldn't accept fully the sad reality that he's alread gone, but knowing he's forever with me eventhough i don't see him could already lighten the sorrow in my heart. I know that Oliver will never ever leave me.

God is good. One day, i know i would have to sa goodbye to these worries and these pains. I guess for now, I would just have to learn to forgive myself first.

Kabilang Ka Ba?

I've got lots of friends

But only few are capable of seeing me beyond my smiles and my happy facade

I can only count a few souls who can understand my pains even without a word from me

I'm not okay

I've been through the most devastating anguish in my life

And perhaps, i can never be okay again in this lifetime

Guess i just have to learn to live with this throbbings for the rest of my breathing days

Mornings can never be the same again

I dread that part of the day when the sun is slowly setting down and the white sky's gradually turning into dark

It's that moment when i feel lost and alone

And the emptiness inside's like killing me bit by bit

I wish to go and leave this world

But i know it'll be so coward of me to do so

Guess i just have to hang on

Hang on so tight to my faith and the promises

I have to remind myself every now and then that i'm stronger than i thought myself to be

So i could have the courage to face another day

And surely, i need someone to remind me of my strength

And how close i am to finding my lost happiness again

I don't need a hundred

I just need a few

In fact, one is enough

If that one is true enough to painstakingly listen to my sorrows and my pains

To discern the tears over my tearless eyes

To understand my need to go to the bathroom at the middle of the sharing

And know perfectly well what i'll be doing inside the bathroom

I only need one soul to untiringly listen to my never-ending stories about him

And to sincerely believe in me when i say 'miracles can happen'

I only need those lots of friends

whom i can only consider to widen my circle

Those few souls that i can count through my fingers

Are already enough for me

For i know that they sincerely and genuinely care for me

And i'm certain that when i finally hold my send-off party from this world

They'll be the few ones who can assure the people i will left behind

That i'm one true person who knows how to love unconditionally and sincerely

Moreover, they will also be the same people

Who will be saddened by my departure

But will feel much happier for me

For i'll finally regain my lost happiness

I don't need to tell you bluntly who those few souls are

For i believe that when you know you're true

You can genuinely show off that happy smile when you read this

^winks^

Death Does Not Stop True Love...

Tama bang paniwalaan mo ang salitang habambuhay?

May kilala akong babae. Hopeless romantic. Sobra. Gusto niya kapag nagmahal siya, first and last. Masyado syang naniniwala sa salitang "forever" lalo na pagdating sa love. Masyado siyang idealistic. Naniniwala siya na kapag ang dalawang tao ay totoong nagmamahalan, kahit anong mangyari, kahit pa sa kamatayan, ipaglalaban nilang dalawa iyon.

"Can you be my girl?"

Yan ang tanong sa kanya ng kauna-unahang lalakeng minahal niya sa buong buhay niya. At dahil sa mahal na rin niya naman niya ang lalake, sinagot na rin niya. Hindi naman talaga siya nagkamali dahil naging sobrang saya ng buhay niya sa piling ng lalakeng iyon. Prinsesa siya kung ituring ng lalaki. Hinuhubaran ng sapatos, minamasahe kapag napapagod siya, sinusubuan, inaalalayan sa paglakad, at ni halos ayaw siyang padapuan sa lamok. Inamin naman ni babae na sa buong buhay niya, dun lang siya nakaranas ng ganoong kakaiba at sobrang espesyal na pagtrato mula sa isang lalake. Nung una nga ni halos ayaw niyang maniwala sa pinapakita sa kanyang kabutihan at pagmamahal ng lalake. Tingin niya, umaarte lang ito. Pero napatunayan naman niya na totoo nga ang lalake sa pagmamahal sa kanya.

Walang araw na hindi inisip ni babae si lalake. Simula ng magkakilala sila, walang araw na hindi sila ngtxt sa isa't-isa o nagusap sa telepono. Pwera na lang kapag may away sila at kadalasan pa, si babae ang ayaw makipag-usap kahit na si lalake tawag ng twag sa kanya. Hindi makatiis si lalake na hindi siya makausap sa loob ng isang araw. Kahit na nga si babae ang may kasalanan kadalasan, si lalake pa rin ang unang nagso-sorry. Minsan pa nga magugulat siya nasa labas na ng bahay nila si lalake at hinihintay siya para lang magka-ayos na sila. Ganun siya kamahal ni lalake. Lahat kaya nitong gawin para lang sa pagmamahal nito kay babae. Minsan pa nga nasabi ni lalake n mas mahal pa nita at mas mahalaga pa sa kanya si babae kaysa sa sarili nitong pamilya. hindi nga malubos maisip ni babae kung ano ang nagawa niyang kabutihan sa buhay niya na sobra at biniyayaan siya ng nobyong sobra ang pagmamahal at pagmamalasakit sa kanya.

"Alam mo, ikaw lang ang minahal ko ng ganito. Ngayon ko lang naramadaman yung ganito kasarap na feeling kapag in-love. Iba pala talaga kapag totoong mahal mo. Salamat talaga kung di dahil sa'yo hindi ako ganito kaayos ngayon. alam ko na wala na akong makikita pang katulad mo. Tama nga sila na napaka-swerte ko talaga sa'yo."

Wika ni lalake kay babae minsan sila'y naglalambingan. Walang araw na hindi sila nag-usap ng ganito. Para bang kahit na paulit-ulit na lang ang pinag-uusapan nila, hindi pa rin sila nakakaramdam ng pagkasawa sa isa't-isa. Wala rin silang nararamdamang pagod kapag magkasama sila. Tulad na lang ng nilakad ni mula Makati hanggang Taft, wala silang naramadamang pagkabagot o pagkapagod. masaya pa silang nagkukuwentuhan. Gusto nga nila lakarin na lang pauwi kasi bitin pa sila sa moments nila. Ganoon ang pagka-adik nila sa isa't-isa.

"Promise ha, hindi mo talaga ako iiwan ha. Kahit ano'ng mangyari, diyan ka lang lagi ha!" tanong ni babae kay lalake.

"Promise. Seryoso ako. Wala na akong ibang mamahalin pa sa buhay ko kungdi ikaw lang. Ikaw na ang huling babae sa buhay ko. Hinding-hindi kita iiwan." sagot naman ni lalake.

"Hay naku, wag ka magsalita ng tapos." wika ni babae.

"Kung pwede ko naman na tapusin bakit papatagalin ko pa? Alam ko kung ano ang nararamdaman ko at sigurado ako dito." si lalake.

Masaya silang nangarap ng buhay na tahimik at masaya na magkasama sila. Nangarap sila ng maraming anak dahil nais nila ng malaking pamilya. Pati negosyong itatayo nila, inayos na rin nila sa pangarap nila. Tunay nga na wala nang makakahadlang sa kanilang pagmamahalan. Labis labis ang kagalakan ng kanilang mga puso kapag sila'y magkasama.

"Mahal na mahal kita. Hanggang sa kabilang buhay ay dadalhin ko at babaunin at pagmamahal ko sa'yo..."

Iyan ang kahuli-hulihang salitang narinig ni babae kay lalake bago ito pumanaw, isang buwan bago ang kanilang pag-iisang dibdib. Naaksidente ito habang nagmamaneho pauwi at halos dead-on-the-spot na ng dalhin sa ospital. Subalit parang himala, pilit na pinapahaba ni lalake ang kanyang buhay at pinipilit ang paghinga sa kadahilanang hindi pa niya nakikita ang tanging babaeng minahal niya higit pa sa buhay niya. At nang makita nga niya itong humahangos sa loob ng emergency room, hinawakan niya ito sa mukha at iyon lamang ang nasambit niya.

"Sinungaling ka! Sinungaling ka! Sabi mo hindi mo ako iiwan! Sabi mo habambuhay mo akong kasama! Bakit ngayon nag-iisa na lang ako? Bakit ngayon wala ka na? Bakit iniwan mo ako bigla? Paano na ako ngayon? Paano na ang mga pangarap natin? Hindi ko na kayang mabuhay ng wala ka."

Mga salitang namutawi sa bibig ni babae ng minsang dalawin niya si lalake sa puntod nito ilang araw matapos ang libing nito. Halos baliw na nakikipag-usap si babae sa nitsong katapat niya. Hindi niya mapigilan ang paghagulgol. Gusto niyang sumigaw sa galit pero hindi niya alam kung sino ang dapat sisihin sa maagang pagkawala ng tanging lalaking minahal. Ang langit ba? Kahit na gustuhin man niya, naniniwala pa rin siya na walang ginawa o plinano ang Diyos na hindi makakabuti sa tao. Alam niyang may dahilan kung bakit nangyari ang trahedya. Subalit hindi niya lang alam kung makakaya pa ba niyang tuluyang huminga at magpatuloy sa buhay kung ang napakalaking parte ng buhay niya ay wala na. Bigat na bigat ang pakiramdam niya. Parang ayaw na niyang gumising pa sapagkat sa bawat pagmulat ng kanyang mga mata, ay binubulaga siya sa ng realidad na wala na ang nag-iisang lalakeng minamahal niya.

Iyak siya ng iyak ng biglang umihip ang malakas na hangin na para bang yumakap sa kanya. Kinilabutan si babae. Mayamaya, hindi niya napigilan ang mapahagulgol. Alam niya, naniniwala siya, si lalake ang yumakap sa kanya. Nasasaktan siya sapagkat dati, buhay itong yumayakap sa kanya, subalit ngayon....

Gulong-gulo siya. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang gagawin. Tatakbo ba siya at magpapakalayo-layo? Subalit alam niyang kahit saan siya magpunta, nandoon pa rin ang sakit na dulot ng masaklap na pangyayari sa buhay niya. Naisip na rin niyang magpatiwakal upang makasama na muli ang una at huling lalaking inibig, subalit alam niyang lalo lang siya mapapalayo dito.

"Ano bang nagawa kong kasalanan sa'yo? Bakit kailangangang kunin mo agad ang kaisa-isang lalakeng minahal ko? Pinasaya mo nga ako, dinala sa langit ng kaligayahan, pero hinulog mo rin naman ako bigla. At ang sakit pa sobra ng paglagpak ko! Bakit ba? Sagutin mo naman ako? Ayaw mo ba akong maging masaya?"

Minsan ay natanong niya sa langit. Pero alam niya, hindi rin naman siya nito masasagot. Ngayon pa na masyado siyang bulag sa sakit na dulot ng nangyari.

Minsan ay nanaginip siya na nasa paanan niya ito paggising niya at nakangiting nagbabantay sa kanya. Maya-maya ay tumayo ito at hinalikan siya ng mariin. Alam niya, hindi ito isang panaginip lang sapagkat ng siya ay maggising, ramdam na ramdam pa rin niya ang dampi ng labi ni lalake sa labi niya. Hah! Tunay ngang ang pag-ibig ay gumagawa ng paraan para lang magka-usap ang dalawang puso pinaglayo subalit patuloy na nagmamahalan pa rin.

Nais niyang kalimutan si lalake, magmahal muli ng iba. Subalit alam niya, wala na siyang ibang iibigin pa kung hindi si lalake lang. Alam niyang hindi na kakayanin pa ng puso niyang umibig ng tulad sa naramdaman niya kay lalake. Naniniwala siya na minsan lang sa buhay ng isang tao na mararanasan ang isang totoong pag-ibig; isang pag-ibig na walang katapusan; isang pag-ibig na kahit kamatayan ay hindi makakayang paghiwalayin. Naniniwala din siya na tinutupad ni lalake ang pangako sa kanya na hindi siya nito iiwan kahit anong mangyari. alam niya, sa bawat oras ng buhay niya, nakabantay ito sa kanya at inaalalayan siya. Masakit pero alam niyang kailangan niyang kayanin sapagkat may misyon pa siyang kailangang tuparin sa buhay niya. Umaasa na lamang siya na pagdating ng panahon, magkikita rin silang muli; doon sa paraiso na wala ng katapusan ang kaligayahan. At doon, alam niya, naniniwala siyang maipagpapatuloy na nila ang kanilang naudlot na pagmamahalan. At sigurado siya, wala ng makapaghihiwalay sa kanila.

No Trespassing...Mag-Ingat sa mga Alibugha

Have you found your own place in this world?

To be perfectly frank and honest, I don’t really know what to answer in this question? Or perhaps, I don’t very well grasp the real sense of this question. I just heard that line from a song from Steve Kirwan entitled, My Little Girl—which I find so tearjerking. This song was played during my cousin’s wedding when my uncle (her father) danced with her. I was really touched when I saw that scene and deep inside, I wondered if my pops and I will ever stage that kind of scene in this lifetime. Oh well, that’s another story. The line in that song goes:

          “As I dance, the last dance with my little girl..and the first with the woman who have found her place in the world. I see the woman in you, but for my whole life through, you’ll always be my little girl.”

That really made me ponder: Have I already found my place in this confusing world?

I honestly don’t know. If that question means having a steady career path and focusing on the goal of being the next company president, then perhaps, I haven’t found that so-called “place.”

Likewise, if that means sticking with one company, adhering to its “ideals” and “mission-visions,” and being a candidate for promotions, then my answer to that question would be a crispy “NO!”

Nonetheless, if that simple yet stirring question means having a clear vision of your goals in life (regardless of having achieved it already or not), knowing your personal legend, and pursuing your greatest passion in life despite not being able to stick to one job, not aiming for promotion or executive position, and not wearing corporate suits, then I believe, I’d already found my own place in this baffling world.

I must admit, until now, I still can’t present a good more than a year of working experience in one company. Oftentimes, I would resign for some plain-speaking reason: I’m just not happy with it anymore. If I feel like wanting to quit my job, I will resign right there and then without apprehensions. However, I’m proud to say that even if I’m a certified “bisyo ay magresign” person, I left all those companies I’d worked at with a good impression. In fact, most of my former superiors were even the ones who referred me to their friends for some part-time jobs (raket).

Humbling aside, I know I’m a good employee. I believe I’m far better than those loyal employees around. Despite my being so laid-back and perky, I’m proud to say that in all those companies that I’d worked at, the executives and/or the superiors listened, paid so much attention, and valued my suggestions and ideas. I know I’m a no-nonsensical individual. It’s not often that I divulge my ideas, so when I let them out, I always make sure they will really make sense. And perhaps, that’s what my former bosses found in me.

But still, I can’t deny the fact that at 24, I’m still a job/company wanderer. It’s not that I don’t know what I want in life. I perfectly know what my personal legend is. The dilemma is, I haven’t yet found that perfect company where I could unreservedly do what I love doing, at the same time, has great and nice people as my colleagues, and of course, a nice pay. That company which I can call my own “comfort zone.” Oh well, I almost found those qualities at MOD and it was almost an “all of the above” answer. However, it fell short in the last pointer which is the salary. Thus, with a heavy heart, I left them.

Sometimes, I want to believe that I’m not really fit for a full time job. Perhaps, I’m really better off as a freelancer since I could earn more from it without having to report for work 5-6 days a week. But whenever I attend family gatherings and my loving relatives started questioning my being a job wanderer and not aiming for promotions, my love for freelance jobs suddenly crumbles aside.

Most of the time, I want to yell at them and make them understand that I’m a writer and passionate writers like me don’t really aim for promotions. Don’t they understand that those company benefits, good company records, and promotions aren’t the things that appease me?

It’s the by-line, the credits, the sight of your published works, and the recognition that you’re a good writer are what sincerely and genuinely pacify my spirit.

Perhaps for them, I haven’t yet found my own place in this world. I’m still a wanderer. Some people could even judge me as a purposeless individual who have no dreams of making it big in the future.

Honestly, I don’t care. I slightly give a damn.  This world is not theirs to own. I have all the right to get hold of my part. I know in my heart that I’d already found my place amidst the perplexity of this life. It’s when I write something inspirational, sensible, and meaningful that which, in one way or another, had touched the heart of whoever will read it. It’s when I know that I could make a difference through the hundreds of words in my pieces. That’s my own place and nobody—not even the richest man in the world—can ever take that away from me.

I believe, my pops will not hesitate to dance that song with me, for I know in his heart, he’s proud of what I’ve become and what I’m doing to pursue my passion. The only problem is, we can’t dance that on my wedding day, for I don’t intend to get married. Sigh.

Of A Friend Named Ghel and Trusting and Loving Unconditionally

***this is a post by a dear friend--Ghel. This made me realized that indeed, i could really touch someone's life. Thanks for this Ghel-ogskie!

Ooops, if i may add, i was at the middle of freaking out because an asshole superior just blew her shitness on me! F*#% it off!

To: Apple... my angel of love

"When at times you feel confused of your feelings, think of me. Think of how miserable it is to live a life not being able to see, hold, or kiss again that person you love the most. And I hope, it would make you appreciate the love you have right now."  

-peppermintchorvanijollibee-

To my dear friend who knows how to love until the end of time.... Apple... :) Smile when you read this!

I wish i was her, a strong woman who hopes with a smile, who never doubts what love has to offer into most fair and unfair way.Where she finds happiness into simple things and not to expect so much in the world. Just having what she has, and that she will be bringing it to her journey forever. True love as i can see to her eyes, having Oliver forever in her heart, and that's what keeps her going in a challenging battle of life versus love.

While the weakening me asked, how can someone be strong when love is facing the most different an

"When at times you feel confused of your feelings, think of me. Think of how miserable it is to live a life not being able to see, hold, or kiss again that person you love the most. And I hope, it would make you appreciate the love you have right now."  

-peppermintchorvanijollibee-

To my dear friend who knows how to love until the end of time.... Apple... :) Smile when you read this!

I wish i was her, a strong woman who hopes with a smile, who never doubts what love has to offer into most fair and unfair way.Where she finds happiness into simple things and not to expect so much in the world. Just having what she has, and that she will be bringing it to her journey forever. True love as i can see to her eyes, having Oliver forever in her heart, and that's what keeps her going in a challenging battle of life versus love.

While the weakening me asked, how can someone be strong when love is facing the most different an